wow! i havent written in this in a very long time! This entry is gonna be kinda random but whatevers...after 7 months I'm gonna let it all out.

It started off as a friendship. I didnt have a clue that someone like you would ever have feelings for me. It was a surprise that later grew into a blessing. Yes I was blessed to have you in my life..and I was even more blessed to later receive your love...Everything you told me affected me...all the good things and bad. I've learned so much because of the things I experienced with you. Those two years were almost perfect. I didn't want something that great to end the way that it did, but I guess I can't always have it my way. Life isn't always fair right? I thought that every word you said meant something. I thought it all came from the heart, but now it seems that it was just one lie after another...all of it just piling up becoming bigger and bigger.  So many times you did "things" and I always let it go. What did I do to make you do those things? Why couldnt you have just told me the truth instead of keeping me around...was I just some girl who was there for you until you found someone new? Some girl that was there just so you could say you had someone? I was there for you through everything...someone who didn't even get detention, wasnt late for class, didn't miss a day of school, got suspended for you. Someone like me got into fights with her dad (someone she use to be close with) for you! Someone who lied to her parents because she didnt wanna risk not having you around. Did that mean something? I was there for you through EVERYTHING! There was not one single moment when you turned around and I wasnt there supporting you 100%. Someone who I thought would always be around wasnt even there at the time I needed someone the most. I didn't expect you to be there for me as a boyfriend anymore...but I did expect you to be there for me as the "best friend" you said you would always be to me. The person who was suppose to be there "no matter what." I admit...those first few weeks were hard for me, but tears weren't shed because I lost you. I didn't have to cry...you werent worth it. Even after it was over I gave you your space! I left you alone! I didnt talk to you or anything!! But no...you couldn't leave it at that! You had to try your best to make my life hard. You tried to bring me down after that....prank calls, gossip, etc. You tried but it didnt work. You would call and say sorry only to call me again the next week and yell at me for something I didnt even do. You were a totally different person. I let all that go...all those times you yelled at me and found reasons to be mad I let it all happen...the minute we hung up the phone the second you signed off online I forgot about it. I didn't let it bother me because I knew I was being the better person. I put up with alot of things I didn't deserve. Right now I dont even know where all this is coming from but after 7 months I guess you could at least listen to this. I've been told so many times that I was so strong for putting up with so much and how I was being the better person because I was letting everything go so easily. You know why I was like that? I was like that because I knew my time was more valuable than spending it on you. I knew that later on karma would get you back. I knew that life was too short for me to let obstacles get in my way. So...when you pushed me down over and over and over again I got back up...i was a little bruised but you didnt win.

I was completely over you. When you were ready to come back into my life I was ready to accept you as my friend, but you came back in a different way. You were the person you used to be, but when when all that was done with that day you left again and now you're not around.

There's probably alot more I want to say, but I guess I'll end it here. Jc if you're reading this...I'm sorry if I did things to you...ever. I dont know where all those words up there came from, but its out and I'm done. Im hoping this time we really are friends...but something makes me doubt it. I thought something that day when you picked me up from school....but as soon as everything happened you were gone...again. Feeling used isn't such a great feeling.

I honestly have no idea at all where those words came from. Don't think that because I wrote all that that I'm sad right now cause Im not. It's amazing how much I love my life right now. Everything is going great! My grades are coming in next week and so far out of my 7 classes I know I have three A's & two B's. I'm proud of me. hehee. My last theme night is this Friday and I'm leaving for Kairos on the 26th. I've been busy with practice, school, dance, etc. but I've been living my life good! I suggest you guys see "Raise Your Voice" & "Shall We Dance." Those movies are great! One is about singing and the other is about dancing!! How cool is that?! hahaa. Anyways...Happy birthday John and Kaci! I guess that's all for now...I have Aids Walk in the morning. Therese is picking me up around 6! Goodnight all!

I can't believe I'm still writing in this thing. I'm so bored...hahaa. It's October already! There goes the first month of my senior year! It went by pretty fast if I think about it. Well....everything has been going great in my life! Nothing I wouldn't change...school is  kinda hard at times, but I'm getting by and all my extra activites have been fun! Anyways...here's whats looking good for the month.

Birthday wishes...
1st: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARTHA! Like I said on your locker...I'm glad we're getting closer this year and I love you!
9th: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAMUS!! You owe me a senior portrait!
15th: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!!
16th: HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASEY!! I miss not having like every class with you! I'm use to seeing you all the time!! Love you!
26th: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADING DUSTIN!! You're one of the best lil brothers ever!! I hope all your wishes come true!
29th: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIKKI! Friends since kinder?!? Wow! We're getting old! hahaa
31st: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BABY "FRESHMEN" DARIUSH!! hahaa....you're not a freshie anymore!! Wow...you're a big kid now!! watch out sophomore comin' through! I love you!!

upcoming events...
11th: Field trip
16th: James's competition at Raging waters!! Go James!!
17th: Aids walk
22nd: Theme night!! Go seniors!!
23rd: Knotss Scary Farm and Lock in!
26th - 29th: KAIROS!! oh yes...I can't believe they put us all together!! Suzette, Gen, Me, Achiamar, Joyce, Therese, Anna, Nashla, Julia, Christina, Rainier, Havie, James, Pez, etc. It's gonna be so much fun!!
31st: Halloween!

Yay my computer works again! bad thing...all my pictures got deleted!  At least I know that some people have copies of those pictures! Well, here ya go...Highlights of the week...

Monday my Ate, Kuya, & Chris all picked me up from school...very cool for all of us to hang out & drive around for awhile!

Tuesday was tiring. We got out at 2:30 (a little earlier then usual) and first Gen, Suzette, Joyce, and I went to Eric's house and ate some Baskin Robbins.  Then we headed back to school for our dance practices. Whoa! What a work out! Then we headed to my house to chill for awhile. Suzette, Gen, and I did some good talking and met up with Marc, Tracey, Nick, & Joyce before heading to the meeting! The meeting was short and simple, but sweet at the same time! hahaa yea...I came home after to work on my hw and watch One Tree Hill!

Wednesday: HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY ARIN!! You are one cool computer class buddy! hahaa.

Thursday: After school Gen, Martha, James, Suzette, Ryan, John, Rita, & I went to Jamba Juice and then went to Curly's house to meet up with everyone else for dance practice! It was all of us from Jamba + Pez, James, Andrew, Chewning, Havie, Casey, Anna, and some other people that I can't remember at the moment! Sorry guys! Practice was very tiring and long, but the dance is looking good!! Good job everyone!! After practice Suzette & I bought some birthday balloons and went to GHS to surprise Emeroy for his 17th Birthday!! Bernard, Twin, Nick, Paulo, Melissa, Erick, Tiffany, Roxine, etc were all there too! We chilled there for awhile.  Then we took Suzette home and I drove twin home! yup yup!! Cool huh?! hehee. Then I met up with Chee for awhile and mommy & I took her home too! Today was pretty tiring, but its ok...it was fun too!

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY EMEROY aka MEANIE!! hahaa. I hope you enjoyed the surprise balloons! It wasn't much but I still love you!! I was the first one to say happy birthday to you at exactly 12am!!

Yesterday was awesome!!! School was whatevers, but overall it went by pretty fast.  Twin came over afterschool. Coincidentally we were matching AGAIN with our clothes for the dance. A black tank top for me, a black polo for him, and grey sweaters for the both of us! It's weird how we're starting to dress alike. hahahaa! It's ok...we're twins!  so yea...he was hungry so we went to quiznos before the dance. We bumped into Christian, Mary, Karla, and Christine. It was nice seeing them all again. Emeroy & Nick came a little later then we all went to the dance! There was a little bit of a mix up and it got stressful in the beginning, but then everything was fine again! The proviDANCE was so much fun!! I had such a good time!! Seniors rule!! hahahaa!! After the dance twin and I waited for Teh Michelle. When she came we went to 7-11 and got some slurpees! yummy!! Twin and I had good talks at the dance and after the dance & we had a good time dancing together! You truly are my best friend too twin!! I love you forever...no matter what!!! I'm keeping my promise and I know you'll keep yours!! Muah!!

Today was a pretty chill day. I spent most of my day at home. The only time I left was to get jamba juice with my dad! It's all good though. 

Next week is looking fun and very busy:
Tomorrow: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIANA! I love you! Thanx for all the laughs! Keep up with the high spirit and energy! You're the greatest! hehee. // Visit grandma & grandpa in Palmdale
Monday: half day// Lunch with James B, Suzette, and Ryan at Olive Garden// Dance practice at school until 4pm// Dance practie at GHS til around 7ish
Tuesday: Morning run at 6am// Dance practice after school til 6pm// Kickback at 7pm til around 9ish
Wednesday: Dance practice til 6pm
Thursday: Morning run at 6am// Dance practice til 6pm
Friday: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARTHA!// Holy Dance...I might be going...it all depends! // GHS football game?
Saturday: Choir retreat // "The Forgotten" with choir girls

I haven't updated in awhile.  I've just been busy with school and after school activites.  If not those things, then I'm out and about with family and friends!Well...here's a small recap of what's been going on:

Christian came back from somewhere// Ate came back from Japan! I got a japanese wooden doll (it's so cute), a wooden pen, and goodluck bookmark things// Sleepover with Gen and Suzette was fun!// Rocket Project talk was very meaningful (Gen, Suzette, Me, & Eric)// Driving around to nowhere with Marc, Joyce, Gen, & Suzette was spontaneous and "rebellious"// Bonding with Twin// Laser Tag & Sherman Oaks with Ate and Janine// Life Teen with the usual + Joyce and Gen was surprising// Theme Night Dance practice @ Curly's house with Provi people was tiring// Dinner at Max's with mom, chris, ate, and twin// Thai BBQ with ate// Good laughs in my classes, especially Brit Lit!// Resident Evil with Suzette, Twin, Tracey, Chris, and Ate// This isn't a 7up commercial?! hahaa...poor twin// Getting 
"looks" at McDonalds with Curly, Anna, Gen, Therese, and Suzette// Gas Station "scare" with Therese// Gym with dad, twin, suzette, and tracey// Ichiban for dinner with twin, suzette, and tracey// Driving around with Ate// Kika's Birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY ONE AND ONE GHETTO SISTER FOR LIFE!! I love you! (9.17.04)// Kat &  Edwards anniversary! aww..happy 4 months! (9.17.04)// Adrienne's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (9.19.04)// my digi cam broke & mommy can't find the receipt so I can get a new one // Good talks with twin, suzette, crystle, joann, and ivan! I'm here for you guys always!

This week looks pretty busy. Other than school I have theme night practice and lifeteen meeting on tuesday, theme night practice and an srla meeting on thursday, Emeroy's Birthday is on Thursday, and the Providance is on Friday!! My running practices are gonna be starting soon and I'm gonna have practice for the life night performance soon too! hahaa...I'm gonna be tired, but it'll all be fun!

This past week has overall been really good for me (other than the few conversations that caused me to think).

School has been great, except for the fact that I've had hw everyday since I started! My printer hasn't been working so thank you norig for being the only one awake late at night to print my essays and stuff out for me. hehee. My classes are good and none seem too hard yet...except for Precal! I think I'm gonna die in that class. *sigh* But anyways...I love my friends and I'm glad that we're all back together again! We had a lot of good times already this week and we still have more months to go!

My afterschool life is great as well.  I spent some time with my one and only twin and some time with jc also. That might have sounded a little weird considering all the "drama" I had to go through ,but at the same time it's all starting to finally work out. Everyting is cleared up and I understand why it happened. hehee. Also...thank you nick for that talk we had. I really do appreciate that you're around for me. I spent a lot of good quality time with Gen and Suzette just like we did last year! Going to each others houses and staying out with them is fun! Seriously...all the things that the three of us go through and all the talks we have with each other are so helpful.

Yesterday was the bell jeff dance. First Suzette & Gen came to my house, then we went to Joye's house for awhile and the 4 of us talked. When we were done we went to Suzette's house and then to Gen's house. We ate McDonalds and got ready for the dance. We met up at Curly's house around 8 and Anna, Michi, Christina, Therese, Che, April, Havie, & Joyce were all there. We got to the dance, which was dead pretty much, and at first I wanted to leave and go to St' Dominic or Cathedral but Providence people made it fun! All of us danced all night and made the best of it!

Today...is Joyce's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SEXY GIRL JOYCE! lolz...oh yesss I do love this girl a ton!  Anyways...the day was spent with Joyce, Joel, Gen, Suzette, and Eric! It was fun and Suzette, Eric, Gen, and I had a very good conversation! I love these guys. hehee. Well Gen and I are sleeping at Suzette's tonight!! yay! It'll be fun!

Thursday was Michael's 7 months. I still miss him and wish he was around. More than anything I need him here because I know that even though I have people who listen to me none of them can be him. Yea, I've moved on but not completely. I can't help but remember him a lot and I guess that's normal.

Well there ya go...my first week of my last high school year. Other than a few little things that got me thinking this was a good start!